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Posts archive for: 28 November, 2005
  • Old Chicago Town 12 inch extended mix

    I used to work in Chicago
    An old department store
    I used to work in Chicago
    I dont work there no more

    A woman came in for a handle
    A Handle from the store
    Handle she wanted
    Knob she got
    I dont work there no more
    Aaaagh!

    I used to...

    sailors/semen
    ewe/rammed
    paxo/stuffing
    hat/helmet
    kitkat/4 fingers
    width/length
    ruler/12 inches
    herbert/rodgerd
    richard/dick
    hen/cock
    finish/end
    exit/entered
    terra ingonita/explored
    spoonbill/stalked
    northern trunk road/A69
    translation and interpreting/cunnilingus
    batholith/intrusion
    Battle of Hastings/invaded
    Dentist/Filling
    Eggs/Laid
    Nitrates/Fertilsed
    Pin/Prick
    Voyager2/probe
    Ding/dong
    Book keeping/double entry
    Beef joint/spit roast
    Bacon/porking
    TVP/meat
    Margarine/spread
    I can belive its nor butter/delight
    Cocaine/ecstasy
    boom/banged
    drift mine/shafting
    nail/screwed
    hammer/nailed
    honk/bonked
    Starling/Thrush
    Dialing code/STD
    emu/rod
    czech/pole
    stampcollection/lickin'
    cormorant/shag
    tiptop/cream
    blue whale/sperm
    lard/man fat
    applause/the clap
    debenture/member
    branch/root
    William/willy
    pass/tackle
    MOT/serviced
    gear/equipment
    spoon/forked
    velvet/felt
    Aplha Course/intercourse
    half a foot/6 inches
    Cap'n Birdseye/Fishy Fingers
    axe/chopper
    William/willy
    Traffic Calming Measure/humping
    BigMac/Whopper
    Donkey/Dobbin
    hacksaw/tool
    fork/prong
    nikwax/impregnated

    silver bath/golden shower*
    Back door/rear entry **
    Diamond earrings/pearl necklace **
    single explosion/gang bang **

    * from Rob ** from HD

  • Snow wind and wet bog

    2 hours sleep, the airbed is virtualy deflated, the front room stinks of sweaty snoring bodies and stale beer, I'm out in the kitchen meeting the Stfford folk and trying to work out if they have a problem with us overloading the hut. It looks like good weather outside, so I make tea to try and raise the hut. Popular-ish idea in some quarters, not so in the majority!

    Eventally, the usual eon of faffing happens but we do in fact set out on a walk. The Uberfeller being young and keen have decided to go and do Cader Idris. Vicky, Steve, Daly et al not being as young but still being as keen have driven towards Bala Lake and are going to walk back to teh hut along the Aran mountain ridge... Me, Pugs, the Dollytwins, Dollytwinsmate Fiona, Richard, Sophie and bloke are walking up past brown pants gully to the boggy plateau behind. The weather was good when we started but soon turns to sleet and a strong wind. Richard has holy boots and an epiphany. He heads back down the gully to do emergency food shopping and the rest off us head into the whiteout. The ground is dead boggy but the snow covers most of the deadly patches so it's like crossing a minefield of sudden death swamps. Everyone falls in at some point. I've got a 1:50 type map which doesnt have the fence marked alonside which I know has a duckboard path. It's hard naigating without a watch as well as avoiding a swampy dunking but we find the fence as well as Duncan and Karen who have set off earlier but seem to be having the same snow fun time experiences.

    We get somewhere about 50 meters from the trig point on Aran Fawdwyy find a cairn, pretend it's teh top and hightail it back down into the lee, which is hard to find since the wind has changed direction and still seems to be in our faces. Funny, that innit! Always seems to happen. In the gathering gloom, I tell Meli a joke about a cliff and the shadows. Hmm, it wasnt funny then and it isnt now!

    Eventually we are back in the hut, drinking tea and warming up. The others tun up, weather beaten and happy. I try to organise a gang of choppers as tonight is veggie stir-fry and sheery triffle night

    Starter
    A selction of finest left-over Walkabout Scotland summer season crisps

    Main course
    Ginger and garlic vegetable stir-fry with noodles
    Stir-fry vegetables in black bean and soy sauce
    Chilli and Leek Fiery Welsh Dragon

    served with chips a single slice of tomato and special boiled rice

    Desert
    Pint of Sherry Triffle

    Posh cheese, tea coffee, more sherry, port and beer

    Evening entertainment consisted of a fine 80 verse rendition of Old Chicago Town, follwed by Sunshine Mountain, Ilkley Moor bah'tat, Yogi Bear, Shag a Wallaby and Singing in the Rain and followed by a long and very dance-able set by DJ DM on the dodgy Lulu kitchen cd player - even the Stafford MC crew joined in... and at by the end they were outnumbering Droopers (the Uberfellers being down to just Adele)...

    At this point the spare bottle of sherry kicked in and the evenings events beacme a little hazy (details spared to save the innocent and teh not so innocent)

    Sunday, was a little hazy too... Al and Duncan managed to be Droopers up a hill the rest of us sat around, slowly tidying up, drinking cupos of tea, making more chips and talking about but not going to the beach

    An ace and truly inspiring trip!

    Droopers on Aran Fawdwyy SundaySnowy Arans

  • Return to the Space Shuttle Drooper

    Just a couple of hours from Telford, hidden in a secret Welsh valley and tucked under an enourmous crag between two muntain streams lies Bryn Hafod...site of some classic parties over the years and seemlingly never to dissappiont

    Pugs and I are trudging up the track after carefully parking the car on the bog so not to antagonise the sons of Glendower and the local farmers.. I've got a heavy rucksac containing most of the food as well as Pug's bag since he is fighting with a binbag containg two airbeds...

    The light of the hut becons us onwards but we dont seem to be getting there quickly but soon after almost slipping off the rickety and icy bridge we're in the front room looking for the fisher price space shuttle and Mike and Lulu are dead surprised to see Pugs who has rapidly taken over as chief entertainer

    It's a huge trip, 20 Droopers, 10 Uberfellers, and 8 Staford MC people who are up to do some repairs on the hut. We're supposed to be 18 and I'm worried about getting us banned. After 13 hours of travelling, Pugs and I are not miraculously the last. Richard is turning up later with the London Love Bus.

    When the London crowd do stagger at 1.30am, mayhem breaks loose. The intelligent people run to their beds, the rest of us start drinking. The fire is gloriously warm, the beer thirst is deadly and the conversation gets sillier.

    At 4am, we're playing a game of as-soon-as-there's-five-people-left-we-can-all-go-to-sleep (3 sofas, 2 airbeds). Pugs soon blows up his airbed to full rigidity. Mine is limp and hopeless despite an enternity of blowing. Meli is the one to lose the stand off and head up stairs to the cold bedroom. Mike, Lulu and Steve are on the sofas, Pugs is on his rock hard airbed and mine is floppy. In the glow of the firelight, you can hear the wind blow outside and a steady and slight hiss... I'm getting floppier.

    "If you were a wild animal, what would you be?" says Pugs, to the room
    "I'd be a snow fox", I mutter
    "I'd be a tiger" says Steve
    "I'd be a raven" says Pugs
    "What would you be, Mike?" I give him a quick prod, he dribbles
    "I'm a hyena!" Lulu decares from the far corner

    45 minutes and many varieties of object later...

    "If you were a method of suicide what would you be?" asks Pugs..
    "I'd be chased off Beachy Head by hordes of naked women" says Steve, quietly hoping that we wouldnt notice the monty python plagerism and possibly we might even shut up and go to sleep...
    "I'm a hyena!" says Lulu, loudly

    "Hissssssss" the air bed whimpers...Space Shuttle Drooper

  • Snowy Adventures on the A702

    Friday's weather... severe snow storms throughout the western UK and upland areas...police advice only to travel if essential...

    I cant travel to Bryn Hafod can I? I will have to send an email out, get someone else to do the food shopping and arrange to see Pugs another year..

    Do I;
    1. stay at home and watch the All Blacks beat Scotland on telly?
    2. ammass a further 30 panzer divisions, the entire Golden Horde and the fleet of Gustav Adolfus, stick the Wagner CD on and embark on another invasion of Poland...

    I decide on plan 2. but just as the first storm troopers are doing a quick explaratory raid across the River Oder..I get the "Lets Just Be Friends" speech...

    "Ach mein liebe Gott!" I cry in my best tank commanders accent as the Tiger tank runs out of unleaded, the Golden Horde pulls up lame at the first and the good ship Vasa keels over in Stockholm harbour after some fuckwit leaves the bottom gunports open.

    Change of plan... get my best green furry love troozas and long woolen undies out of summer storage, grab the menagerie of spare boots, hats, gloves, ski goggles, snowspade, find the car keys at the bottom of the dirty washing pile and head out at midday...

    2 hours later and I've hit the first traffic jam to the north of Biggar...the Pentland Hills are covered in, all of 10cms of the glorious white stuff and a couple of trucks are stuck on tehphill sections... In Norway, it takes something like an avalanche or landslide to cause a 5 mile tailback but in Scotland it takes 10cms of snow. Down there south of Hadrians wall it takes a lot less than 10 centimeters! Nobody really knows how to drive in snow here, but c'est la vie!

    2.5 hours later a tractor pulls one of the trucks off the road and the traffic flows slowy....

    3. hours and a daft woman in a 4x4 does athree point turnifron of a truck moving up teh hill near Coulter... another jam, this time big anough to get a mention on Steve Wright. There's a 30 mile jam doen in Cornwall! I've got to be bloody mad to be heading for a Drooper trip!

    At 5pm, I eventually hit the motorway and I'm suffering longjourney with only one tape madness! It's not even ABBA which is making it worse.

    By 9pm, I'm navigating Telfords well signposted maze of roundabouts looking for Pugs...

    A madweekend awaits...

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